Hello, hello, Rahway Girlz family and friends! I am not going to say subscribers because you are family to us and we appreciate the love, hugs, prayers and much support you have given to myself, Wynter and Se'Quince. We all have been struggling with a lot of stuff and we just appreciate all the love given.
It's been a while since I have written a post. There is so much to say, but not enough time to put it all on a post. Most of you may not know that when I'm not writing I am working my day job and whatever else is going.
If you are new to our website, you can check out each of our pages to familiarize yourself with each of us. If you already know us, then you know how we roll.
I have been going through some stuff in my life and I wasn't in the mindset that I am usually in. I had to make some decisions that were hard for me. Around the time I was trying to make decisions, I kept seeing these quotes on Instagram and Facebook. I was listening to music that was talking back to me but at times I wasn't listening clearly like I should have been.
I was talking to Wynter and Se'Quince about some things. One day at my desk, at work, I was listening to WBLS in the afternoon with Shaila. Shaila played Alicia Keys song "So Done". You know when at times you're listening to the music and not the words being said, but then something hits you. It can make you have a flash back. Well, that day back in November, I came to the conclusion that I myself was "so done"
I filed for divorce after being married for 24 years. Yeah, you read that correct, 24 years. I was holding on to something that wasn't there anymore. My focus and time needed to be on my daughter because as you all know her disability doesn't allow her to do things on her own. She needs my help and will always need help. My love and support for my family was spreading thin. I still have another daughter Wynter who also needed my time and attention even though I was with Se'Quince in and out of the hospital and working at the same time from the hospital or at home and or in the office. I still had a husband who thrived on attention as well. I was spread thin thinking that my husband would help out without giving attitude but he only worried about his feelings.
The lyrics of "So Done"
'Cause I'm so, so done Guardin' my tongue, holdin' me back I'm livin' the way that I want 'Cause I'm so, so done Fighting myself, goin' through hell I'm livin' the way that I want I'm livin' the way that I want I'm livin' the way that I want I'm livin' the way that I want I'm livin' the way that I want
I lost control over all my energy Done so much damage to my heart I've given in, I've changed my identity I didn't mean to go so far
Oh my God (God) I wish (wish) I could be (be) better than this My God, wish (wish) I could be
'Cause I'm so, so done (so done, so done) Guardin' my tongue, holdin' me back I'm livin' the way that I want (I want) 'Cause I'm so, so done (so done) Fighting myself, goin' through hell I'm livin' the way that I want I'm livin' the way that… More
I was getting annoyed with everything. I was frustrated at times. I was pissed off at times. I was just a crazed, miserable woman. I would cry going to sleep. So, after listening to that song, that was when I decided I had enough of not being happy for the past six years. I wanted my happiness back.
I was in a funk for so long, I didn't know what to do with myself. I wasn't in the mood to do anything. I lost my mojo in writing. I was or is supposed to be writing now, but I don't have the inspiration back yet. I am in a book club, but since Covid-19, I haven't read any books in awhile. When I felt bummed, I would read a good book, but a good book hasn't been on my mind.
So to get myself out the funk, I put husband out. His presence was giving off bad vibes. I wanted some peace and with him gone, I was able to have it.
During his bitterness I became the bigger person because I didn't want to be on his level. I needed the peace of mind that I had been longing for and I finally got it, but it didn't put me back in the mood I once was. I am now taking things slow, but sometimes too slow. I'm trying everyday even though it's hard but my girls give me the needed push and love.
So, I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for your love and support! It means a lot to me and the girls that we have so many supporters. We love you all!
Keep coming back because Wynter is doing great. If you don't follow her, you should. She created her own magazine, the RGP Muse. She has a summer issue coming out in a few months before graduate school. Her journalism and communication skills is paying off. Even though Se'Quince has her health issues, she still has stories to be written. She is currently working a book series while her new book will be published soon. As for me, I don't know. I just joined Paparazzi with a friend and her team. If you already purchase Paparazzi jewelry, well show me some love. I will be up and running shortly. We have a new giveaway coming so look out for it too!
Thank you for stopping by and I hope you will come back again!
Love you all,